Pineapplewords

UNBELIEVABLE RESULTS FROM MEDICAL STUDY:  PINEAPPLE CAUSES BRAIN CANCER


In a recent study by the *CDC of crack and heroine addicts with brain tumors it was found that all of them had, at one time or another, eaten canned or fresh pineapple.  It was further discovered that those with multiple or larger tumors had often eaten more pineapple, or had eaten pineapple more often, than most of those patients with less severe symptoms.  After intense and careful study of these results, it was determined that canned pineapple was more detrimental to cerebral health than was fresh.

The chairman of the *CDC was quoted as saying: "I never really ever liked pineapple, now I know precisely why."  He also said: "Damn pixies keep peeing in the water cooler.  How do they expect me to build the funnel cone for their winter retreat with all this pixie piss in my system?"  And "Carve the next Thursday from summer brunch feet."

The patients in this study have begun a pineapple free diet, and encourage others to join them in their campaign.  (Unassociated Press, Lake Denver Times, Jan. 14, 2011)

*Consortium of Disturbing Crap